“There is no way to be the perfect mother but a million ways to be a good one.” A statement made by a famous author, Jill Churchill. How do we define a perfect mom? Truth is, we cannot. Being a mom is the most challenging and rewarding experience. For working moms, with that experience, comes a massive feeling known as “mom guilt”. As a working mom myself, with two daughters under the age of 5, I struggle with this feeling on a daily basis.
Although it is an ongoing list, some factors that contribute to this feeling are worrying about the financial security of your family, rising cost of higher education, along with the increased burden of child care expenses. Even though moms who work outside the home have accepted this guilty feeling with their heads down, they never really forgive themselves internally. By internalizing this feeling, they make themselves more susceptible to feelings of depression, stress, and anxiety.
However, there are ways to climb the mom guilt mountain without incurring mental breakdowns. First, you have to truly understand why you are working. Most moms will say they work because it is a dual income household, or many times they are the sole breadwinner in their household. Some moms work to maintain a certain lifestyle, while others work to provide for their family in the best way possible. The truth is by staying in the workforce, moms, women are able to provide greater financial security for not only their families, but for themselves as well.
Once you see yourself as more than just a mom, your foggy financial security lenses start to clear up quite rapidly. By staying current in the workforce, even if it is through part time work, you have the power to do so much more for yourself and your family. You are able to contribute to your own retirement, contribute to higher education for your children, and are able to take charge of your own finances.
When you do have the time to spend with your children, intentionally being mentally present is key. Give your child your undivided attention, not distracted time. Spend time without your phone in your hand, without all those pending chores and errands on your mind. Allow yourself to live in the present without drowning yourself in mom guilt. Instead, focus on the now and give your child all of you. As all moms will say, the days are long but the years are short. Know that you might not be a perfect mom, but you found a million ways to be a good one.
Fahmin Fardous CFP®
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